The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.

"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"...I didn't look up the original reference.

"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"...These data are practically meaningless.

"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"...An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"...The other results didn't make any sense.

"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"...This is the prettiest graph.

"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"...I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

"IN MY EXPERIENCE"...Once.

"IN CASE AFTER CASE"...Twice.

"IN A SERIES OF CASES"...Thrice.

"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"...I think.

"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"...A couple of others think so, too.

"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"...Wrong.

"ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"...Rumor has it.

"A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS"...A wild guess.

"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"...Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass iced tea.

"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"...I don't understand it.

"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"...They don't understand it either.

"THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS"...Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.

"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"...A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"...I quit.

- posted by Rachel @ 6:09 PM 0 comments

 
*Sweet Nothings*
Get everyone but your target in on it and never come by his or her office twice in a row wearing the same clothes. Sanity test...

Staple ever unimportant paper on their desk together.

If your target has a computer, reposition the monitor everyday.

Fill an empty white out bottle with milk and replace it with your co-workers.

Put a live lobster or any other creature in the file cabinet.

If computer has speakers turn the volume all way up or way down depending on your mood.

Taping down the switch hook buttons on a phone gets some interesting reactions. When the mark answers the phone keeps ringing.

Program the mark's phone to forward to the office paging system.

Ask your mark, "ARE YOU GETTING FIRED? WELL, THAT'S THE RUMOR."

Does your coworker have fish in the office? Take the fish and leave a ransom note.

Pull the labeled buttons off of their phone and rearrange the order and put them back on their phone. They won't be sure of which line is which or which connects them to the boss!

Tape your victim's telephone receiver down at top and bottom when they are away from their desk. When they come back, call them from your desk and watch them struggle to answer.

Put transparent tape over the read out of a calculator. It makes the numbers blurry.

If your boss wins some kind of prestigious award, manufacture a phony memo from the company president announcing the discontinuance of the award.

By a package of approximately 200 of those little paper bathroom cups and neatly arrange them all over the subjects desk. Then staple them all together and fill them with water. See how long it takes them to figure out how to get rid of this set-up without spilling water all over their paperwork, files, computer, etc...

Take the paper out of the copier and write "Everything written of the flip side of this paper is a lie!" Put it back into the copier mixed with regular sheets.

Buy a voice changer at Toys 'R Us and answer the phone in strange voices.

Does somebody smoke at work when they're not supposed to? Put Ambesol on the filter of their cigarettes. Watch as their lips and mouth go numb when they light up!

Get Valerian Root capsules (at health food stores) and when co-worker is away from desk, take his phone apart and open a capsule or two of Valerian Root in the mouthpiece then replace. Guaranteed to smell terrible!

At lunch, swap the worker's real food with look-a-like dog toys.

If someone is applying for a job, call them back and leave a wrong number. They go crazy for a while until you call them back apologizing.

If the drawers to the victim's desk has a board under it you can take the drawer out, take the contents out, put the drawer back in, but UPSIDE-DOWN! Then, while the upside-down drawer is partially opened, put the contents back in and close it. When the unsuspecting victim opens the drawer, all the contents fall out!

Take some cellophane and open up the glue bottle. Put the cellophane across the opening, then close the bottle. Watch the victim try to squeeze glue out. They either open it up to check, or they squeeze to hard, breaking the cellophane and spraying glue everywhere.

Tell a new worker that everyone has tomorrow off because of the boss's religious beliefs. See if he shows up the next day.

Taken from http://www.ccil.org/~mika


- posted by Rachel @ 10:28 PM 2 comments

 
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITYAND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Insist that your e-mail address be: zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
Put decaf in the coffee-maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
Don't use any punctuation.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are.
At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Stomp on plastic ketchup packets.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Honk and wave at strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, then eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they did not send it to you and say "I have asked you not to send me stuff like this."
- posted by Rachel @ 10:19 PM 0 comments

 
Ahh....home again....................sort of.
My trip to SD and ID was great! It was amazing, crazy, awesome, tiresome, long, short, and just....good.
I left my humble abode three weeks ago, on a Tues., flying out of TUS at 6:34 am, and arriving at 11:30ish SD time (I think it's an hour later right now).

The youth camp began Tues. evening.
Wed. morning we had worship at 6am, so we got up at 4:30-5.
Breakfast at 7, and then we were supposed to be off for a hike at 9. Well....we didn't all have our things in order, so we had to straighten them up before we could leave. :-p
Our hike took us on a drive from the place we stayed....hmm....about 10-15 min. away, from which we HIKED INTO THE BACK OF MT. RUSHMORE. :-) (And back....)
It was really hard to keep going....keep going....keep going....but we all made it there. We looked at the monument for a little while, and those who had stayed at the camp brought us up our lunch! :-p It was GREAT food......mmmm......Noodle salad, veggies, potato salad, crackers....yummmmmmy.....
Then, of course, it was back down the trail!

Thurs. we had thought it would be a short hike, no big deal, right? Well....It was a hike where we kept hearing "over the next hill".....well, it wasn't "over the next hill," or the one after that. :-p It was a LONG hike, but it sure was a BEEEEuuuuuTEEEEful hike! Ahh! It was amazing to stand on the tops of the hills, and look at all the valley's around us!
After uh....about 8 miles I think, we reached our destination (5 hours after we started).
Then, it was on to lunch! Ahh, we had such good food there. Healthy, and tasty, and just...good.
Corn on the cob, veggies, soy patties....mmmmmm.......
Then, the DRIVE back.

Fri. was.....a good day. We cleaned our rooms, and cleaned up the camp site, and made ready for Sabbath, then we went on "The Narrow Pathway." It was a good hike. :-)
We started out driving to the main road, and parked at the base of the hill (across from the fish hatchery). We found a marker saying that there were two ways we could go: the broad, easy way-OR- the steep, narrow way. We decided to go up, up, up, and then up we went!
At the top of that hill, we found another marker, saying (along with other things), I think, "straight is the gate, and narrow is the way," at which point we had to pull ourselves up by a rope through a little cave/passageway!
At the end of a passage, we found the way we were supposed to go, and after a bit we found another marker. This one had a song on it. (pssst! Crystal, can you guess what song?) The song was "The Narrow Pathway." We had a few minutes to sing this, talk a bit, and then we were on our way again.
As we progressed on the trail, we came across more places where it was necessary to use a rope to pull ourselves up with. :-)
At one place, near the end, we went down into the canyon, and then up the other side. On "the other side" we had to use the rope, and when we stopped using it, we climbed over some rocks, finding "the blood of those who had come before us" on the rocks we climbed over. :-)
At the top of the canyon, we came across "deaths yawning chasm," but we didn't "swing across" it. :-p I guess the adults though it was too dangerous for us to do.
This was almost the end of our trail, and it was actually almost Sabbath. :-p
At the very top, we all sat, and discussed what we thought about the trail we had just been on.
I have since realized that although it was a great experience, it was a meager attempt at the real narrow pathway to heaven. It was an amazing voyage that week, and I was blessed to be able to go!

I have seen God working, preparing my way to go, and I KNOW He was there on all those hikes, leading, guiding, strangthening us along the way.

This is going to be all for right now, but I will write about the big camp, which happened the next week. :-)

- posted by Rachel @ 5:51 PM 1 comments