Journal
*sigh!*




Ok, well, hmmmmm......I don't know what to write really. In the past week or so, everything has just gotten crazy! I haven't seen either of the older uh.... people though, so that's definatly a PLUS!!! A MAJOR PLUS!!!! hmm....

Frankie and I have been seeing each other every day, and quite honestly, I don't WANT to see him every day... I just think...ok...again?...but yet, I KNOW he DOES want to see me every day. Grr!!! I feel SO guilty about the whole situation, 'cause I DO like him, sorta, but not NEARLY as much as he likes me, or as much as I used to like him... and I'm supposed to be a good example of what my church teaches, and yet...I'm not (obviously)...and.... I dunno... I should just MOVE!!!! That would be taking the easy way out...I WON'T do that. I've made things the way they are, I can deal with it.........gggrrrrrrr......Well, I just talked to Frankie.....I KNEW I would hurt him, and sure enough! I did! Gee, what a great freakin' accomplishment! :'( He said that he wants to be around me so much because I make him feel better, and yet, when I'm around him, I don't feel much of anything...I told him Mon. night that I wanted to spend LESS time with him, not NO time with him, but he took it as my meaning NO time... And then... Oh, gosh! I don't know!! I feel very...confused, I guess is the main one. I don't know WHAT to do. I know that having anything other than boy--FRIENDS right now won't do anyone any good, but I still WANT it. I want the hugs, the kisses, the knowledge that SOMEONE is there, and will be there, but I'm not even a good FRIEND to anyone anymore. Maybe I should retreat back into my safe little shell....

Ok, new topic...

Well, I started out with this blog for myself, then it morphed into a way to talk to my friend, and now, I just forget it even exists.

I guess I tend to do things that way, don't I? I start out full speed ahead, and then...I just...lose interest...weird how that happens...

*sigh!* Ok, off to sleep I go!
- posted by Rachel @ 11:21 PM