GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List - Redneck Jedi
GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List - Redneck Jedi: "You might be a Redneck Jedi if.....

You ever heard the phrase, 'May the force be with y'all.'

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

Your father has ever said to you, 'Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot.'

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

Although you'da had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

If you hear . . . 'Luke, I am your father...and your uncle.'

Received from Pete Galt."
- posted by Rachel @ 6:26 PM 0 comments

 
GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List - Rules Of Life
GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List - Rules Of Life: "Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the Rules of Life really are.

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages of any kind.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are 'I apologize' and 'You are right.'

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was: 'Go! You might meet somebody!'

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'

9. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

13. And finally, be really nice to your friends and family. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan."
- posted by Rachel @ 5:44 PM 0 comments

 
Brownies With a Difference
Many parents are hard pressed to explain to their youth why some music, movies, books, and magazines are not acceptable material for them to bring into the home or to listen to or see.

One parent came up with an original idea that is hard to refute. The father listened to all the reasons his children gave for wanting to see a particular PG-13 movie. It had their favorite actors. Everyone else was seeing it. Even church members said it was great. It was only rated PG-13 because of the suggestion of sex--they never really showed it. The language was pretty good--the Lord's name was only used in vain three times in the whole movie.

The teens did admit there was a scene where a building and a bunch of people were blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff. It wasn't too bad. And, even if there were a few minor things, the special effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed.

However, even with all the justifications the teens made for the 13' rating, the father still wouldn't give in. He didn't even give his children a satisfactory explanation for saying, "No." He just said, "No!"

A little later on that evening the father asked his teens if they would like some brownies he had baked. He explained that he'd taken the family's favorite recipe and added a little something new. The children asked what it was.

The father calmly replied that he had added dog poop. However, he quickly assured them, it was only a little bit. All other ingredients were gourmet quality and he had taken great care to bake the brownies at the precise temperature for the exact time. He was sure the brownies would be superb.

Even with their father's promise that the brownies were of almost perfect quality, the teens would not take any. The father acted surprised. After all, it was only one small part that was causing them to be so stubborn. He was certain they would hardly notice it. Still the teens held firm and would not try the brownies.

The father then told his children how the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies. Our minds are us into believing that just a little bit of evil won't matter. But, the truth is even a little bit of poop makes the difference between a great treat and something disgusting and totally unacceptable.

The father went on to explain that even though the movie industry would have us believe that most of today's movies are acceptable fare for adults and youth, they are not.

Now, when this father's children want to see something that is of questionable material, the father merely asks them if they would like some of his special dog poop brownies. That closes the subject.
- posted by Rachel @ 5:12 PM 0 comments

 
The Yeti
An English explorer was taking part in an expedition to the Himalayas. Led by a grizzled local guide, they ascended one of the less frequently climbed peaks. Roughly halfway up the side of the mountain, a member of the expedition came across a set of large man-like tracks in the snow.

"Yeti tracks," the sherpa said with a gruff voice as he passed them. "One thing you must know before we proceed; DO NOT, under any circumstances, touch the yeti."

The expedition heeded his warning and continued to climb the slope. Night fell, and the explorers set up their tents. In the dead of night, the Englishman awoke to the sound of his tent entrance unzipping. Half-asleep, he looked up to see an enormous eight-foot yeti standing above him.

In fear for his life the explorer jumped up and ran out of the tent, banging into the yeti in the process. The yeti, after being touched by the explorer let out a deafening howl and began to chase the explorer down the slope.

The explorer ran away from the camp as quickly as his legs could take him, after he rounded a corner he looked behind him to see the bounding form of the yeti still chasing him.

So the explorer continued to run, reaching the bottom of the mountain in just two days, exhausted he paused to rest awhile. After just a few moments, the explorer began to hear the soft 'thud thud thud' of yeti feet on snow, he looked up the slope to see the yeti still chasing him and only moments away.

The explorer took off again, reaching a supply shack a couple of miles away, once there quickly buying a mountain bike and pedaling his way to the nearest town, some fifty miles away. The journey took him several days over the rough terrain and after his arrival he booked into a hotel to recuperate.

Two days later the man left his hotel to see about booking transport back to England. As soon as he turned around though he saw the form of the yeti on the horizon, bounding towards him at great speed. Horrified by this sight, the explorer hurriedly bought a car and drove it away from the village all the way to Delhi. Once he arrived, the man wasted no time in getting on the next plane to London.

After his arrival back in London, the man went back to his London home for a while to recover and to plan his next expedition. He had been there less than two weeks and was gazing out of a window when he saw a familiar large bounding, man-like creature running down his street; the man couldn't believe it -- somehow the yeti had followed him to England!

The man had little choice but to run away again, he used any means he could, bike, car, or on foot to try to escape the yeti, but each time he looked behind him, it was just moments before the yeti came into view.

Eventually the man made it all the way to Edinburgh and from there ran into the open Scottish countryside. He continued to run but the yeti just kept getting closer and closer, and in the end the man could run no more.

With the yeti less than a minute away from him, the man finally stopped and turned around to face the oncoming creature. With the last of his strength he stood up straight as the yeti caught up with him. The eight-foot tall yeti towered above the man, who could only stare in terror. The yeti extended his hand and poked the Englishman squarely in the chest with one long finger and in a low rumbling voice the yeti said, "Tag! You're it!"
- posted by Rachel @ 5:46 PM 0 comments

 
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, some times I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table. Then she told them "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

- posted by Rachel @ 5:35 PM 0 comments

 
The Eternal Question Answered
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and he said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over a great period of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road and that was good enough for us.

NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road; it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

- posted by Rachel @ 5:30 PM 0 comments

 
Room Service
Have you ever heard of the word....Tendjewberrymud? Its amazing, you will understand this word by the end of the conversation... Read aloud for best results (and some semblance of comprehension).

Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking funny for a while after reading this. This has been nominated for best email of 1999. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.....

So the story begin ....

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"

RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"

G: "What?"

RS:"San tos. July San tos?"

G: "I don't think so"

RS: "No? Judo one toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes,an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bother?"

G: "No..just put the bother on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Sorry?"

RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"

G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem,tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say"

RS: "Tendjewberrymud"

G : "You're welcome"

- posted by Rachel @ 5:10 PM 0 comments

 
Top 36 Things You'll Never Hear From a Southern Man
36. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
35. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
34. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
33. We don't keep firearms in this house.
32. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
31. You can't feed that to the dog.
30. I thought Graceland was tacky.
29. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
28. Wrestling's fake.
27. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
26. We're vegetarians.
25. Do you think my gut is too big?
24. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
23. Honey, we don't need another dog.
22. Who gives a hoot who won the Civil War?
21. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
20. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
19. Spitting is such a nasty habit.
18. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
17. Trim the fat off that steak.
16. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
15. The tires on that truck are too big.
14. I'll have the arugula and riadicchio salad.
13. I've got it all on the C: drive.
12. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
11. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
10. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
9. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
8. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
7. Checkmate.
6. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
4. I don't have a favorite college team.
3. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
2. You all.

And, Number ONE is:

1. Duct tape won't fix that.
- posted by Rachel @ 4:50 PM 0 comments

 
Dating Tips
DATING TIPS
by Jim Rosenberg, October 5, 1994

I'm so glad I'm not dating. If I ever dated you, I know you're glad, too. My dating style was to sweat a lot, apologize for my car being dirty, and continually push my glasses up my nose in a compulsive manner. This became a vicious cycle as the perspiration rushing from my head sent my glasses sailing into the mashed potatoes with a squishy thud. If I hadn't met my wife in a work context, I'm sure I would still be at home on the weekends working on my needlepoint. I say this to let single people know how much I empathize with their agony.

Every unmarried person in the universe agrees on one thing: hanging out in bars is the worst way to meet a potential mate. This leaves me wondering why The Village Tavern looks like a shark tank every night after work. After a certain point, I suppose, romance isn't so much tenderness as willingness. The "I hate the bar scene" truism has launched a million entrepreneurial substitutes for dating. These "Personal Introduction Services" claim to bring greater intimacy to the mating ritual. All of them, however, are fundamentally flawed. They are better at selecting a date than a mate. As a service to my readers, many of whom are single, I have established my own Dating Service designed specifically to help women find a suitable partner. We do more than collect a group of eligible men -- we do the legwork that's necessary to determine if the men are marriage material.

The 3:00 a.m. Feeding Book. In your mind, you hold a mental picture of your partner: bare-chested, clad only in rugged jeans, still wet from a shower, smiling broadly. Try this one on: bad breath, bed hair, black socks, eye gunk, spit-up, nodding in and out of consciousness. The latter is how your mate is going to look when he's getting up to feed the baby in the middle of the night. You better find a way to see it and still become sexually excited by that person at a later date. That's why we send our operatives to roust men out of bed in the middle of the night and take candid shots.

The Fluosphere. No matter how nineties you think your boyfriend is, something very fifties happens to a married man who gets sick. That something is quite simple: he wants you to be his mommy. It's a shock the first time your big strong husband starts sniveling for some pudding and a fluffier pillow. That's why we developed The Fluosphere. Every virus known to man is circulated throughout the sealed environment of The Fluosphere. We lock the man up for one week. As the flu overtakes him, you can observe his behavior and decide for yourself whether it is bearable. It's also a good opportunity to think about whether you want to have children other than your husband.

The LaToya Jackson Test. "Are there any skeletons in my man's closet?" we are often asked. Well, our private investigators aren't always able to dig up every piece of dirt. That's why we developed a foolproof test: we inform LaToya Jackson that a substantial monetary reward is being offered to anyone providing information on Mr. X. If she is unable to come up with something: marry this man.

Questionnaire Lie Detector. As with traditional dating services, the subject is asked to fill out a lengthy questionnaire describing himself and his personal preferences. All lies, of course. Several months later we hire a confederate to ask the man roughly the same questions in a bar. We compare the answers to determine which men are the biggest liars and along what lines. (Test Answer: "I am a professional with an income between $50,000 and $75,000; Bar Answer: "I just bought the 'No Money Down' tapes and plan to buy a house with my Discover Card"). It's a given that your eventual mate will be a big liar with unspeakably horrible problems and unimaginable fetishes. This will just give you some advance warning what they are.

The Hidden Kitchen Table Microphone. Our elite team of former CIA agents plants a microphone under the kitchen table of the subject. For one month, recordings are made at each meal. The resulting tapes catch every vulgar grunt, moan, and sigh that is an integral part of male feeding process. Ask yourself: do you really want to hook up with the sort of knuckle-scraping brute who could make such a horrendous din as part of his eating ritual? Does his cute haircut really outweigh that awful clamor of slurping and meat-ripping?

Momcam. We place a tiny camera in a brooch on the blouse of the subject's mother and tape all interactions. Watch carefully, girls. Forget about the flowers and all the other scams currently in operation. If he's decent to his Mom, you're probably okay. If the camera catches him saying things like "Cindy's okay, but no one could ever take the place of my Mummsy" you've got trouble with a capital T.

Nickname Genealogy. Our researchers prepare a complete history of every nickname ever used to describe the man. The results are displayed on a timeline with each person's name. This is an excellent way to determine the true suitability of a mate. Bad: "Stinky," "Lumpy," "Booger." Worse: "Casanova," "Octopus," "Herpe." Worst: "Slick Willie."

Carbon Underwear Dating. Our staff geologists perform precise carbon dating of underwear samples taken at end of long week. If results show underwear is pre-Jurassic, go on the next cute guy.

The more I researched this topic, the more I became certain of one thing: singles bars are a great way to choose a mate. You see people at their absolute worst -- motivated by greed, driven by selfishness, indulgent of their own coarse physical needs, and unable to overcome the weaknesses that control them. Romantic? No way. Good data? You bet.

- posted by Rachel @ 4:44 PM 6 comments

 
Dog Aplicant
A sign was hung in an office window. It read:

Help wanted.
Must type 70 words a minute.
Must be computer literate.
Must be bilingual.
An equal opportunity employer.

A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth, and walked into the manager'srs office, making it clear he wished to apply for the job.

The office manager laughed and said, "I can't hire a dog for this job."

The dog pointed to the line: "An equal opportunity employer."

So the manager said, "OK, take this letter and type it." The dog went off to the word processor and returned a minute later with the finished letter, perfectly formatted.

The manager said, "Alright, here's a problem. Write a computer program for it and run it."

Fifteen minutes later, the dog came back with the correct answer.

The manager still wasn't convinced. "I still can't hire you for this position. You've got to be bilingual."

The dog looked up at the manager and said, "Meow."
- posted by Rachel @ 4:37 PM 0 comments

 
Top Ten Things Not To Do On A Tandem Bicycle
1. Complain loudly that the back handlebars aren’t working properly.

2. Clasp your hands over the driver’s eyes and ask, “Guess who?”

3. Attempt any really sharp turns (especially when pulling a baby carrier.)

4. Ride all by yourself while screaming, “Help, there’s a ghost on the backseat.”

5. Circle penitentiaries looking for hitchhikers.

6. Nickname your fiancée “Daisy” because you can’t afford a carriage on your wedding day.

7. Wheelies without warning your passenger.

8. Remove the back pedals and start a limousine service.

9. Eat baked beans in the front seat.

10. Two-man half-pipe BMXing
- posted by Rachel @ 4:36 PM 0 comments

 
No Stair Climbing!
A little old lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast.

"Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady. "Yes," he replied.

"Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!"
- posted by Rachel @ 4:34 PM 0 comments

 
Old Friends
Amy and Jamie are old friends.

They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jamie.

"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
- posted by Rachel @ 4:31 PM 0 comments

 
The Pearly Gates
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.

"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man.

"You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

"What do you mean?" asks the first man.

"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
- posted by Rachel @ 4:29 PM 0 comments

 
Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen is in Trouble
10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6am.

9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.

8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.

7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"

6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."

5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."

4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.

3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."

2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."

1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.


- posted by Rachel @ 4:28 PM 0 comments

 
Well, here is a real post, though it probably won't be long...

We moved! We moved out Airport Rd.! I love it!

I don't really know what to post...

This week, I helped my friend Tonia move some, which I might have mentioned in my audio-post...I don't remeber. Anyway, so I didn't really help very much, but it was fun anyway.
Monday, I went to DQ at 4, which was when she was done there. We then went to Wendy's where two of her brothers work, and we were going to get her brothers big truck. Well, he let a friend borrow it to help get someone else's truck out of the mud...So it wasn't there. We sat, and waited for the friend to get back...He was supposed to be back at 3 I think, and it was already after 4. So, we went to my grandma's house to get a few boxes, and went back to Wendy's. Well, they called the friend several times only to get "...Almost done..." ect.
We were getting bored by about 5...so we walked over to the Dollar General and bought a deck of cards. So, we played "Go Fish" twice, "War," but didn't finish that one, and then"SlapJack" twice. With each game we were getting more tired, and a little bit louder...hehe... So at the end of the second game of "SlapJack" Tonia said, in a really strange voice, "I got all the cards, and you got none" or something like that...And we both started laughing! There happened to be a couple sitting in the booth that was just behind me, and we heard through our laughter, "Shut UP!" quietly....hehe....that only made us start laughing more, only a little quieter. :-p
After that, we went outside to finish our laughing, and wonder at this "friend" who had the truck. After a few more calls to the friend, he turned off the phone. Why? Well, my guess is that he didn't want to talk to us. :-p Anyway...So, at about 7 Tonia brought me home, and she stayed for a little while, and talked with my mom and me. SHe ended up waiting at Wendy's 'til 9 that night. From 4, 'til 9...
So, the next day, Tuesday, we actually moved some stuff...
We went out to her dad/step-moms house in Dragoon, and gow.....3 boxes, a lamp, a giant snake she won at the fair...I think that was all. :-p
We then went to Weny's (I know, we were there a lot...) so Tonia could get a salad. We then went to their appartment, and unloaded everything. Then, we went and took Dean, Tonia's older brother, his baseball glove, and then watched him play a game at the park. We then went back to their appt. and watched a movie, "Raise Your Voice." It was actually an interesting, and enjoyable waste of time. :-p After that, at 10, we went to DQ and cleaned both the "Arctic Rush" (used to be "Mr. Misty") machine, and the walk-in fridge.
We were done at about 12, and she took me back home.

Sheesh, I guess this post is longer than I thought it would be! :-p

Here's a joke I saw on http://www.gcfl.org/
It has significance for me, because Melissa is in her 8th month of pregnancy...



The following appeared in the February 1998 issue of Parenting.

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name

1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!

Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette

1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries

1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
- posted by Rachel @ 4:26 PM 0 comments

 

- posted by Rachel @ 8:14 AM 3 comments